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Season 2: Eastbound & Down Chapter 11

Kenny Powers Quotes

Eduardo Sanchez Quotes (and Kenny Too)

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Crazy ... Here I grew up a whole entire world away from you, and end up exactly like you. Lyin', cheatin', back-stabbing gigolo ... Well you know what, I don't think I want to be like you anymore...

Since we see where Kenny gets it from, these are the most memorable Eduardo Sanchez quotes from this episode, along with the usual gems from Kenny Powers. Not only do we include readings from the audiobook Kenny is working on, but also some life advice from Eduardo Sanchez.

Same old Kenny. 10 pounds of sh*t in a 5 pound bag ... and friends with faggots...

She keeps me on time, and I keep her moist in her underpants...

Well, you know how it is, you start pulling on a little thread, and the next thing you know, you just f*cked up the entire shirt...

You all both came out of this old man's jizz...

Alright, house rules... No jerkin' each other off. This is my workspace, and I don't want you spraying all over all my inventions...

You can't be running around worried about every goddamn bridge you've burned. You'll never get across the river...

I wasn't sure about Steven there, but uhh, to be honest, I am still up in the air about what gender he really is. [What, I am obviously a man, sir.] Ha. Well, that's not what your pussy doctor says...

The Usual Kenny Powers Lines

I paid cash for the motherf*cker. Bought it with an advance that I was paid for this, uhhhh... self help novel I'm about to have published onto the Oprah's book clubs... Pretty much saved all my pennies from my major league days. Invested alot of it very wisely in stocks, bonds, famous works of arts...

I don't know, maybe to bury your sh*t like a cat...

What are you making, a pinata penis pump???

Yeah, I've actually had multiple orgasms on jetskis. [Whoah, back that ass up.] Maybe it's something in our blood that we can just ya know, get hard from riding f*ckin badass ya know, terrain vehicles ... water crafts ...

Truth be told, things aren't going as good for me as I led on to believe. The love of my life married some other dude, and my new girlfriend fed her pussy to the owner of the baseball team I just quit. I stole homeboy's car, and now I'm probably a wanted fugitive...

Its time I take my dad's advice, and stop thinking about other people, and start thinking about ME for once

Does the pope blow little kids???

Just smokin' herb, and ridin' around on recreational vehicles. Kinda feel like this is how I was always meant to live...

Why are you sh*tting in the prison, Stevie???

I got two hard rules I live by, pop. I don't f*ck with the devil, and I never do tag teams with blood relatives...

Eduardo Sanchez’s Advice on Life

Eduardo Sanchez Advice

I believe, you gotta do what you feel in the moment. You gotta trust in your feelings. If you wanna buy something that you like, buy it. Don't worry about the money, you just buy it. You wanna have sex with a girl, have sex with her. You wanna leave the condom off? Go for it — it feels better that way...

I think you gotta do exactly what you wanna do, no matter what...

Readings From the Kenny Powers Audiobook

Kenny Powers Audiobook

The good thing about getting over depression is ... well ... you can start to see your enemies more clearly. Suddenly, everyone isn't an obstacle, just some people are... And it might be someone that you find is in your bloodline, distant and as brown as their skin can be, they still are part of you.

I'm not saying this from personal experience, I'm just saying in general, if you find someone you don't like in your family, it is perfectly okay to f*ck them over.

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Kenny Powers and Eastbound & Down are TM & © 2017 HBO. We are not affiliated with HBO, who we hope don't sue us - we just love this show, so hopefully that counts for something...
Any baseball teams referenced are TM & © 2017 MLB Major League Baseball.