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Season 2: Eastbound and Down Chapter 12

Kenny Powers Quotes

Kenny Powers Quotes

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Whenever I look at a Mexican I will think of you. Whenever you look at that jackass you think of me, okay???

In order to gain the team’s approval to play in his last Charros game, Kenny Powers had to get his ex-teammates fired up, and rallying behind his cause. We include those inspirational words of wisdom, as well as what should be the last entry in the Audiobook recorded in Mexico.

What do you think? A mineral bath soap is gonna pay for all the sh*t you did to me???

Really... doesn’t matter, its gonna take more than a goddamn Speak and Spell to win yourself into the good grace of Kenny Powers...

You wanna pull that Bruce Lee sh*t with me, I’ll steal that sword away from you like a goddamn child and f*ck you with it...

I will take this goddamn computer and put it through your face like a disc of f*cking Tron...

A goddamn Mexican standoff in f*ckin’ Mexico. I was hoping to get into one of these before I left...

And you do realize that if you had offspring they would be mixed children, they could be made fun of on the playground...

That sweet tailpipe of yours did have me charmed. It put a spell on me, but all the ass magic in Mexico can’t change Kenny Powers from his core beliefs. I’m not an ass man... I’m a tit man. I like big ass boobs — now, and forever... I’m not like a black guy, Vida...

Too hot for hugs here, man. I’ve been battlin’ a war with swamp ass since I got down here...

Kenny Powers’ Speech to the Charros Baseball Team

Speech to the Charros Baseball Team

I brought you guys up from less than f*ckin’ nuthin’, and took you up to a championship level, only to abandon you there... Leave you high and dry, naked and nude, prey, easy targets for the competitions, to rape and buttf*ck you. I’m sorry for that...

Well, don’t get too cocky, Roger... That’s probably because there’s still a little residual Kenny Powers pixie dust floatin’ around all your little heads.

Let’s face it guys, after midnight, this whole f*cking place turns into a pumpkin, and you guys all turn back into mice... This is a classic Cinderella tale here. Ya know, Peter Pan will no longer be a man, he’ll turn into a real boy. George Washington will never be able to cut down the beanstalk. You guys will eventually just go back to bein’ the sh*ttiest Mexican baseball team in Mexico...

These are the hard realities, guys. Life is not a fairy tale, although sometimes it feels like our world is full of fairies...

Purity — its what we all desire, and it is what I’ve come here to share with you. Hence the all whites.

We can do some f*cking great things tonight, you guys. Follow me. Walk with me out on to that field. And when you do, you will f*cking put your ass out, and you raise your f*cking head up. Know that you’ll never, ever... EVER reach the heights that you’re gonna reach tonight. But you can leave here knowing that you helped Kenny Powers’ dreams come true... For a bunch of Mexican baseball players... that ain’t too bad...

Readings From the Kenny Powers Audiobook

Kenny Powers Audiobook

Chapter 17. Done, and f*ckin’ done. Just like that, the journey is over... depression is finished, and you’re on your way back to the world of the living, smiling, regular people... The road has been paved with d*ckheads, backstabbers, and pains in the f*ckin’ ass... but memories were made, allies were had, pole-smokers were toppled, and the truth was discovered...

And like any journey, if you stay the course long enough, the road might just show you what you need. All you gotta do is keep your eyes on the road, and foot on the f*ckin’ gas...

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Kenny Powers and Eastbound & Down are TM & © 2017 HBO. We are not affiliated with HBO, who we hope don't sue us - we just love this show, so hopefully that counts for something...
Any baseball teams referenced are TM & © 2017 MLB Major League Baseball.