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Season 2: Eastbound & Down Chapter 13

Kenny Powers Quotes

Kenny Powers Quotes

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La Flama Blanca. It’s Spanish for the White Flame. I was pitching pure, from the heart, and so that’s why I wore a suit with white and silver flames on it.

In an attempt to get April Buchanan back, Kenny Powers makes another unforgettable speech at Jefferson Davis Middle School. There is also one more chapter to the Kenny Powers Audiobook that he recorded for April during his quest in Mexico.

I mean, maybe we’ll start of slow, with a welcome home blowjob or something, but... we’ll see how it goes... light some candles, heat up a f*ckin’ Lean Cuisine, and go to town...

Down there I fought and f*cked my way to becoming the greatest gringo that country has ever seen...

I got a big ol’ pot of titties waiting for me at the end of the rainbow, but before I can sip upon them, I need to go ahead and take a big ol’ sh*t in American toilet, cool???

Stay in school. Fight the Power. And don’t do drugs.. . Unless of course you’re doing ’em with me... Never turn down free drugs...

I mean, I knew things had probably gotten dark for you here April, I just had never imagined sh*t had gotten this dark...

Well, I wouldn’t wanna ruin a sale, huh? Guess you guys gotta make those commissions to be able to buy all the goddamn... the FUBU, and the Oshkosh B’gosh, and the sh*t the baby’s gonna be wearing. Hey, potential home buyers. Hope ya’ll know there were alotta rapes that happened in this house. [Get out!!!] I hope you disclosed that, April!!!

Yeah, I’m sure they got sluts in Tampa. But I didn’t go there, wet puss. I went to Mexico on an epic, spiritual quest that ended in failure...

I’m not dressed like Boss Hogg, you dumb bitch. I’m dressed like pure. This is... just... why don’t you go f*ck off!!! Don’t you got somebody you gotta give AIDS to???

Just trust me... It’s better to be strangled by a necklace of Mexicans, than to be strangled by no one at all...

I learned alot down in Mexico. I learned that sometimes to be the man, you gotta beat the man. I learned the grass is not always greener. I learned that adversity’s sweet milk. That’s philosophy, April...

It’s not the black guys kid, it’s mine!!!

Kenny Powers’ Speech to the School

Speech to the School

Do I have all the attentions of everyone? Attentions please... For those of y’all who do not know who I am, my name is Kenny Powers. And as f*cked up and weird as it may seem, I used to be a teacher here. But now I return to you. A victor, a champion, a man who has defeated the face of Mexican baseball... not to ... get back my old job... f*ck that noise...

But to capture the heart of one of your teachers, and take her away from you forever. So at this time I would like the beautiful, the forgiving, the talented, big-chested art teacher, to please step forward....

Where’s she at??? Show me them big old titties, come on...

Readings From the Kenny Powers Audiobook

Kenny Powers Audiobook

Chapter One Continued. More of what I was just saying... Never in a million years would I imagine myself being in Mexico. After all, who would? Most Mexicans spend the bulk of their day just trying to get out, so you can hardly blame foreigners like myself for not thinkin’ about gettin’ in...

Oddly enough, the people here aren’t that different from the ones back home, when you get past the lack of interest in real sports, and the need to have yellow rice at every f*ckin’ meal.

Can’t help but notice how much they stick together too. I mean, when you see Mexicans in the States you think, 'oh, there’s a group of Mexicans, doin’ Mexican things together', but here you see that it’s not just because they talk the same language, and are all Catholic. Family means alot to these people. Relationships, husbands, wives, parents, all that sh*t...

Reminds me of why I’m here in the first place. A quest is nuthin’ if you got no one to brag about it too, will never reach the end if you’re only doing it for yourself. Me, I’m doing it for a girl I had to leave behind, just to get this far. Now I gotta go a little further to get back to her. All I can do is hope that one day she’ll understand, and when that day comes, it’s not too late...

Chapter Nothing. The f*cking epilogue.

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Kenny Powers and Eastbound & Down are TM & © 2017 HBO. We are not affiliated with HBO, who we hope don't sue us - we just love this show, so hopefully that counts for something...
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