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Season 2: Eastbound & Down Chapter 7

Kenny Powers Quotes

Kenny Powers Quotes

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It's not f*cking funny at all. From what I've heard, Kenny Powers hasn’t lost his pitch. Kenny Powers is just sick and tired of baseball trying to buttf*ck him all the time... Cause him nothing but pain and sorrow...

These are the most memorable Kenny Powers quotes from this episode, and also include readings from the new, yet to be released audiobook being recorded in Mexico.

Steve does not accept layaway. When you place a f*cking bet with Steve, you f*cking pay Steve when his f*cking cock wins...

Does it make your life easier to just throw a quick, racist term at somebody? A man who has seen the things I've seen... experienced the loss and pain that I've experienced... I transcend race, hombre...

Next time you wanna bet on my cock, you better bring some f*cking pesos. Got it ese???

Gather the jackass and the cock. We're outta here. Come on, get it...

If there is one thing in this world I cannot stand, it is f*cking soccer, all right? And I hate when people do it around me...

I’m a ballplayer... and not just any ballplayer... I’m Kenny F*cking Powers...

Except for one fact: I don't own a printer, and I f*cking hate computers. All kinds. I come here today not just to bash on f*cking technology, but to offer you all a proposition.

And they will all know that Kenny Powers is in fact the Christ figure that they perceive me to be...

If this was America, you’d have a radar gun, and right now it would read 101...

All right, don’t forget, my number’s 55. Woooooo!!! Woooooooo!!! 55!!! See you motherf*ckers Friday! You got Kenny Powers up in this motherf*cker now!!!

Readings From the Kenny Powers Audiobook

Kenny Powers Audiobook

This is me now. A man haunted by the sacrifices he’s had to make. A man who ran and never looked back. A man who drank his ass all the way down to the butthole of America. I left my country to begin a new life - one where I could finally blend with those I was living amongst. Become just another face in the crowd...

Soon I was embraced by the natives. The wild landscape became my mistress. The wild women - my cum caves. Soon enough I felt like an entirely new person. But truthfully, sometimes I did wonder about them. About how they’d deal with the holes, the agonies, the darknesses that no doubt fell upon them when I rode off into the sunset, and then took that sunset with me. Do they even remember what its like to have hope? Did they forget how to close their eyes and dream? Did they discover that without me? They may as well not even exist. And although it makes me kinda sad, I know this savage land was made for me. Its where outlaws go to die, and as that day nears, I take comfort in knowing that the lives of those I left behind are better off [interrupted by kids screaming and music]

And in addition to all that other stuff, Kenny Powers still does not like children. Chapter 3, shit to do in Mexico in the nighttime.

In Mexico a man can truly get lost. And if you’re a bank robber, or maybe somebody who’s committed a fucked up crazy crime, than that’s a good thing. But hiding takes its toll. First you don’t realize it, but soon the identity you tried to shed starts gettin’ pissed and knocking around at your insides.

Sometimes you gotta wash away the paint, and reveal to the world the jackass that is hiding beneath.

Sometimes you gotta get back in the fucking game.

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Kenny Powers Shirts
Kenny Powers Shirts

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Kenny Powers Bobblehead
Kenny Powers Bobblehead

Kenny Powers talking bobblehead
features 5 quotes from the show.

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Kenny Powers and Eastbound & Down are TM & © 2017 HBO. We are not affiliated with HBO, who we hope don't sue us - we just love this show, so hopefully that counts for something...
Any baseball teams referenced are TM & © 2017 MLB Major League Baseball.