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Season 3: Eastbound and Down Chapter 15

Kenny Powers Quotes

Kenny Powers Quotes

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I can barely keep my own life together, let alone be responsible for someone else’s. You on the other hand, you have a destiny much greater than anything I could afford you...

These are the most memorable Kenny Powers quotes from this episode. Unfortunately there are no readings from this season’s new audiobook, but we were given a backstory of what happened to Kenny Powers’ memoirs that he recorded in Mexico.

If she is not back by the time S.W.A.T. is over with, then she is gonna have hell to pay...

What is that smell? Ooooh, Jesus Christ. What did you eat? Diarrhea???

Yes, I’d like a large half Hawaiian, half pesto pizza. I have a screaming baby here, and he’s super hungry...

I’m gonna take this kid, and put ’em where he came from. Right up April’s asshole!!!

I think his body is rejecting the Pepsi... And get some towels! I think he sh*t his pants too!!!

If you’ve had any sort of correspondence with her — any — I’m talking a f*cking text message, an email, a f*ckin’ emoticon exchange, a facsimile, a f*cking page — anything — I deserve to know...

I’m trying to make him eat this lettuce. I poked holes in it, it’s fine he can breathe through it...

I’m sorry if I don’t know how to wrap him up in a papoose and balance him on my head in a basket like your people do...

I’m puttin’ you on blast, homeboy. You’re moving from neutral ally, back to hostile threat...

What’s up? Is gay ass yoga on the curriculum now? ... Huh, that bitch just fell...

And why are you wearing FUBU? That’s for them, by them. You’re assimilating weird. You look like a goddamn, strange sort of Mexican Grimace...

He’s got poo poo running all down his cellulite...

No sh*t it’s serious, Dustin. Stop stating obvious facts. You’re not progressing this dialogue, alright? Cassie, what are all the ladies at the tampon shops saying???

Now then, Dustin, without being all c*nty, you may answer...

Alright. Final offer: I’ll throw ya’ll motherf*ckers $25 a week, which will cover, like, all his little panty liners, and such-es, and this little baby stuff...

Now hand me my son. I have a life to ruin...

Stevie, why the f*ck are you dressed up like the Joy Luck Club???

It’s called sex trafficking, Stevie. These men are using you...

The Powers of Now: The Champion’s Guide to Dealing With Grief and or Depression

Kenny Powers Audiobook

You’re gonna sit here and f*cking cry, and blame me for the failure of "The Powers of Now?" I’m the one who said that nobody wants to see a goddamn tale set in Mexico, ok? I said we gotta go super heavy on the Remo Williams adventure sh*t. You’re the one who said we had to go heavy on the depression self help sh*t.

Now it’s a damn money... mish-mosh!

Estupido? Don’t you dare blame the debacle of the publishing of my Mexico chronicles on me! Did you read the f*ckin’ preface your husband wrote? He ruined it.

Buy Kenny Powers Merchandise

Kenny Powers T-shirts
Kenny Powers T-shirts

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design with his famous quotes.

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Kenny Powers Bobblehead
Kenny Powers Bobble head

Kenny Powers bobble head riding
Panty Dropper in Flama Blanca suit.

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Kenny Powers and Eastbound & Down are TM & © 2017 HBO. We are not affiliated with HBO, who we hope don't sue us - we just love this show, so hopefully that counts for something...
Any baseball teams referenced are TM & © 2017 MLB Major League Baseball.