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Season 4: Eastbound & Down Chapter 24

Kenny Powers Lines

Kenny Powers Lines

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I’ve been given a second chance at fame. I’ve got people depending on me — my wife, kids, family. I can’t abuse this second chance I’ve been granted. There’ll be no d*ck sucks tonight.

These are the most memorable Kenny Powers lines from this episode, and also include his narration about fame and hydra heads.

Children — raise your 5-Alives. Because of my amazing television efforts, and my new found relationship with show business, we never have to worry about money again...

Picture the future. You’re both entering high school: While the other dumb-dumbs are there sellin’ dime bags and tradin’ Garbage Pail Kids cards, you’ll be polishin’ your Porsches. Ridin’ your horses. Hangin’ out with the preps, with the sweaters loosely tied around your necks...

Purebred. That’s what the redman told me. There’s no paperwork, or anything cause of their goddamn oral traditions... But... Seems legit to me...

This is a perfect gift for Toby. With my new high paying television job I’m not going to be around the house as much as I’d like to be, so it’s very important that Toby has a strong male role model so he doesn’t turn out weird. Dakota’s gonna serve as his spirit guide...

Everybody’s inside the cafeteria wantin’ to know what I’m gonna wear — what kind of crazy sh*t’s gonna come outta my mouth...

A tisket, a tasket — I brought you a motherf*ckin’ gift basket...

I also included a copy of my new motion picture screenplay I recently finished. Four hundred fifty pages of box office gold. It’s my life’s story, dude...

That sh*t’ll get you smellin’ like an Egyptian cab driver...

None of you motherf*ckers are gonna get tan and take your shirts off with me. You’re all gonna be dry. The only people that get to get wet, are people that are nice to me...

It was terrible, April. Literally, I almost killed myself twenty different times. I put a gun in my mouth and almost pulled the trigger. I ain’t going back to them days...

Now that’s like goddamn ankle deep water ain’t nobody’s drownin’ in that sh*t. If one of them kids can drown, they don’t deserve to be alive — it’s goddamn Darwinism right there...

Look at y’all — scared sh*tless over a schedule 2 narcotic. I’ll show you f*ckin’ drugs, I’ll show you exactly how to do some motherf*ckin’ drugs...

Kenny Powers Montage Narration: Fame and Hydra Heads

Kenny Powers Hydra Heads Narration

Fame for me has been a many headed hydra. You cut off one head, and it sprouts another. My baseball career was beheaded on a warm night in Texas many years ago — so be it. A new head is sure to grow in its place. Perhaps the head of a movie star. A race car driver...

One head might be selfish and mean, but that doesn’t mean the next head to replace it can’t still be thoughtful and nice...

A hydra has many heads...

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Kenny Powers and Eastbound & Down are TM & © 2017 HBO. We are not affiliated with HBO, who we hope don't sue us - we just love this show, so hopefully that counts for something...
Any baseball teams referenced are TM & © 2017 MLB Major League Baseball.