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Season 4: Eastbound & Down Chapter 26

Kenny Powers Quotes

Kenny Powers Quotes

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Goddamn! I’m sh*ttin’ gold these days! Kinda makes me wonder why the hell so many people are tryin’ to tell me to slow down. Seems like motherf*ckers should be shuttin’ the hell up, and enjoy the show...

These are the most memorable Kenny Powers quotes from this episode, including the pool christening, T-N-T, the speech at the Kenny Powers Memorial Baseball Field, and final narration to the episode.

Water... Mother Nature’s piss, and it’s what brings us here today, together. The unveiling of my luxurious, brand new swimming pool. That’s right — I did this...

Cassie, big ups to you for being supportive. You’ve got much bigger balls than your husband does. Much better man than him...

Somebody got a salt water motherf*ckin’ pool. That’s right. So let the deep, sparkly waters serve as a symbol to each of you. That if you work hard enough, if you dream big enough, anything is possible...

Enjoy new things for the very first time in your lives...

I’m your handsome white Jesus, motherf*cker...

Sounds like 50 shades of gross to me, motherf*cker...

There’s no doubt my stock is soaring. I’m more recognizable than I’ve ever been. I think it’s high time we finally cash in on these lucrative opportunities that my fame has brought upon us...

T-N-T. You know what it stands for? ... The “T” is for taters — “N” is for and, and the final “T”? Tits — Cause all the waitresses at T-N-T have huge tits. Taters ’N Tits...

How does any genius figure out his inventions? I mean, how did Leonardo Di Caprio figure out about gravity? Cause the bitch was sleepin’ underneath a tree and an apple hit him on his head...

Hey man, Dustin Jr. is a well adjusted kid — he’s responsible enough to own an assault rifle. Notice I didn’t give Wayne one. I’m thinkin’ this thing through...

You should hold onto that, man — they’re about to ban that sh*t. I’m tryin’ to protect your household...

I love how you’ve sexualized the food. This is perfect for a shopping mall...

Homeboy’s scared. He senses my dangerous potential — tryin’ to confine me to the Scottie Pippen role...

Well, that might be alright for you — but I was born to fly, dog. Michael Jordan — Air Jordan’s Air Max’s — Number twenty four...

You’re lookin’ for that mallet, but this ain’t Red Lobster, sweetheart. They don’t give you mallets in the f*ckin’ expensive restaurants...

You want to go to therapy? Let’s waste our money on therapy — that’s fine. Not because we can’t afford it — because trust me, sweetheart — we can afford it. It’s just my motto’s always been, just cause you have money, you don’t need to be wasting it on frivolous nonsense...

You know me Guy — I’m always ready to bust a nut on this television audience...

Well, you know I got people in Atlanta — and they all love Skittles, red Kool Aid, and some of them even like Fruit Loops...

Kenny Powers’ Memorial Baseball Field

Kenny Powers Baseball Field Speech

I return to you victorious, just like I promised I would. I won that motherf*ckin’ dragon boat race, and with the winnings I turned this disgusting field, into a state of the art little league facility. I got rid of the sofa, got rid of the hypodermics, the tampons, got rid of the goddam thrown up sizzurp that was everywhere...

All that drank, drank is gone! And on top of it — I also hooked y’all up with some new gear...

Whoomp! There it all is. Come enjoy, my childrens...

Kenny Powers Montage Narration: Victory is it’s own reward

Kenny Powers Narration: Victory is it’s own reward

They say greatness comes at a cost. If you want to achieve legendary status, you must make certain sacrifices. The demands of others often times conflict with the demands of living an exceptional life. It takes a goddamn Superman to meet all the expectations put upon the celebrity figure nowadays...

Could Schwarzenegger have ascended to the top of both film and politics if he had actually given a f*ck about his family? Huh, I doubt it...

Would Alexander the Great have conquered the world if he had dialed it back???

Is it even possible to reconcile the needs of others, with the need to win? When winning often means defeating your rivals at any cost. I suppose it remains to be seen...

But there is one simple truth you can rely on in this f*cked up world — victory is it’s own reward...

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Kenny Powers and Eastbound & Down are TM & © 2017 HBO. We are not affiliated with HBO, who we hope don't sue us - we just love this show, so hopefully that counts for something...
Any baseball teams referenced are TM & © 2017 MLB Major League Baseball.