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Season 3: Eastbound and Down Chapter 19

Kenny Powers Quotes

Tammy Powers Quotes (And Kenny Too)

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It’s just really, really super hard for me to be the man there, and also have a son. I mean, how can I just f*ckin’ kick ass all the time there if I gotta do all this father sh*t? Constantly...

Since we see where Kenny gets it from, these are the most memorable Tammy Powers quotes from this episode, along with the usual gems from Kenny Powers. Not only do we include another chapter from the new audiobook, but also the apology acceptance speech by Kenny Powers’ mom in the bowling alley.

Well, whatever I’ve got more important sh*t in my life than arguing with your dumb ass. My famous baseball player son is coming for a visit with his new baby...

Well, I guess you win by disqualification. You’re the champ. Soak it up tomato face...

You know twenty seven years is a damn long trip to the store for cigarettes...

No good luggin’ alot a hate around, it will give you ass cancer...

The Usual Kenny Powers Lines

The man made of skin here is my nanny slash assistant, this disabled mouth breather minority, is my personal chef...

Yeah I’m just rockin’ this Adderall here, keeps me focused, even if it does give me a dry ass mouth and occassional constipation...

Look at that con man. Out there prancin’ his ass in mom’s face...

I mean, I like Toby. I think that he’s awesome, but he’s just really f*cking up my sh*t. I mean, he’s the whole entire reason why April left in the first place...

It’s super hard to be Charles in Charge when you’re not f*ckin’ Scott Baio...

And I also, have thought that raising a child is primarily women’s work. And to be honest, I still do believe that sh*t...

If my madre is strong enough to be a man, then Kenny Powers is certainly strong enough to be a f*cking woman...

Kenny Powers’ Mom Accepts Apology

Tammy Powers

It's true you both have hurt me deeply. But I’m no saint, and I have done my fair share of f*cked up sh*t too. So it wouldn't be fair to judge two men, who have either entered (Eddy), or exited (Kenny), my vagina. But your speeches have shown me that you really do care, and I accept your apologies...

Chapter 6. F*ckin' makin' straight up decisions now, dude.

Kenny Powers Audiobook

As my epic comeback nears its zenith, I can’t help but look back at the low times when there was no hope or light. There’s an old expression that has guided me through the dark valleys and hazy cul-de-sacs of life — "nut up or sack up."

It means when life gets you all swirly and thought-ridden, shut it out. Let the two spherical sperm factories underneath your d*ck take over. They don't think, they don't get confused. They churn, and attack.

And in moments of doubt, my default setting is always to attack. Whether it be a hitter, or an ump, or a loved one who has stepped out of line...

Not everyone can achieve their dreams in this world. Thats because most people have things like feelings and sentimental attachments, nagging sh*t that keeps them from making the tough decisions that are necessary to get to the ultimate top...

Unfortunately on the rocket ship of fame, there’s only room for one. Any added baggage will just weigh you down, hold you back from shootin’ for the f*ckin’ stars. Blast off, bitch...

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Kenny Powers Jerseys
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Kenny Powers Bobblehead
Kenny Powers Bobblehead

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Kenny Powers and Eastbound & Down are TM & © 2017 HBO. We are not affiliated with HBO, who we hope don't sue us - we just love this show, so hopefully that counts for something...
Any baseball teams referenced are TM & © 2017 MLB Major League Baseball.