Season 4: Eastbound & Down Chapter 28
Episode Guide / Summary
Easily one of the best Eastbound & Down episodes of the entire series! This chapter was their interpretation of the famous “A Christmas Carol” holiday tale, where Kenny Powers assumed the role of Ebenezer Scrooge, and Stevie as Bob Cratchit. Kenny Powers was “Bah-humbug” in the beginning, but learned the true meaning of Christmas along his path to redemption, eventually helping everyone close to him.
The show begins with Kenny Powers living life as a freshly made bachelor at full throttle — lots of coke, star of Sports Sesh, and banging hookers in the window of his Presidential Suite in downtown Charlotte. At the studio, Stevie is hinting for a holiday bonus from Kenny, since the recent plastic surgery procedures for both he and Maria have them too tapped out to afford family Christmas gifts.
Kenny Powers has assumed the lead role on Sports Sesh, but apparently ratings are in the toilet due to Guy Young’s racist diatribe. By breaking the traditional Sports Sesh holiday show format, Kenny Powers believes he can boost ratings with his own spin on things, including a fart symphony, and hot young ladies as reindeer. As you would imagine, Kenny is bossy and demanding as showrunner, and Rodney and Jimmy eventually quit the Sesh during rehearsal.
In a law office, Kenny Powers and his legal dream team meet with April and her attorney in attempt to finalize the terms of their divorce. Kenny has frozen their joint checking account, and also holds the title on all family vehicles. April is leveraged out of all assets, and Kenny lets it be known he intends to turn the children against her next. Kenny will cease any further tactics if April takes him back, which she is not interested in doing.
Since April was keeping the kids on the actual holiday, Kenny’s day with Toby and Shayna was December 23rd. In the spirit of giving the kids a materialistic Christmas that April couldn’t, Kenny Powers spared no expense on his children. Their Christmas event was catered by Nobu, with massages, and Little Helper — a dwarf dressed like an elf to pass out presents to the kids. Much to Kenny’s surprise (and irritation), the kids were more interested in getting Dakota back, than they were in their lavish Tiffany’s tiarra or rose gold Rolex gifts.
With their early Christmas event over, Kenny drops the children off to April wearing veils over their heads, to shield their identities from the paparazzi. Bragging to April he bought them everything on their list, April catches Kenny off guard with a present of her own for him. Feeling stupid, Kenny quipped he didn’t buy her anything since he figured “tradition of buying each other presents was flushed down the toilet like our marriage vows.”
April admits she hates fighting with Kenny, who does not blame her, and again offers to end their separation if April admits defeat. April questions why he wants to come back since he was so miserable before, and wonders if it’s all for the best now. Both are playing the passive aggressive card here, as evidenced by their looks of disappointment in each others’ reactions — Kenny hearing April was done, and Kenny not convincing her he felt otherwise.
With the business operating at a loss, Kenny decides to close Taters N Tits. Stevie begs for him to reconsider since it’s his last chance to provide a good Christmas to his family, but Kenny ignores his wishes. With his unwavering loyalty to Kenny, Stevie feels betrayed by the decision, and not being allowed to read Kenny’s screenplay earlier. Kenny blames Stevie’s cash flow problems on all the plastic surgery, while Stevie calls him the Grinch, and a retard for losing his family. As Stevie leaves the kiosk, it looks like their friendship is over for good.
There are 3 basic types of Kenny Powers meltdowns: yelling, yelling tantrums, or yelling tantrums with property damage. With Kenny groaning to himself in the dressing room while drinking Jack Daniels straight from the bottle, we are about to see option 3 - the complete and total meltdown.
The Sports Sesh Merry XXX-Mas special starts off with Kenny Powers’ grand entrance through a line of scantily clad dancing elves onto the holiday themed stage. Let’s not forget Kenny’s wardrobe — a custom made all black Santa suit with cowboy western fringe, and aviator sunglasses. After his introduction, Kenny briefly follows the show script before the fake snow starts to irritate him, yelling at the effects department to turn it off.
Instead of teaching the audience a lesson about the spirit of Christmas, Kenny goes off on a tangent about all the things bothering him in his personal life. He spoiled the kids with tons of toys, but what they really wanted was the only gift he didn't get them, and all of a sudden April wants a divorce after years of marriage. The audience grows uneasy after Kenny calls Santa Claus a d*ck licker, and to egg them on Kenny exclaims that “Christmas can suck this dick.”
By now the audience is booing loudly, and looks on in horror as Kenny Powers goes into an absolute tirade. While repeating “f*ck Christmas” over and over, Kenny rips down tinsel decorations, stomps a Christmas tree to death, yells more obscenities into the camera, and throws a chair through a fake fireplace wall on set, which collapses onto crew members. During the aftermath, he sneaks off set and heads home to drink champagne by himself in the Santa suit.
Just as Kenny was hanging the baseball player ornament from April on the tree, Maria knocks on the door looking for Stevie. He hadn’t come home, and Kenny insinuates that maybe he got tired of Maria and the kids being money grubbers who never respected him. Seeing how distressed Maria was, Kenny agrees to help, tracking Stevie down at a seedy motel.
When they kick the door open, they discover Stevie holding a 6 shooter underneath his chin. He apologizes in advance for what they are about to see, and he wants to kill himself for being a loser who’s no good in bed, that cannot afford Christmas presents. Luckily Kenny (and mostly) Maria talk him out of killing himself, but right before they can discuss the true meaning of Christmas, the gun accidentally goes off, splattering his surgically constructed chin all over the wall.
With his Santa suit covered in Stevie’s blood, Kenny reconsiders on Cassie’s offer from earlier, and goes to meet the family for Christmas caroling. Back at home, Kenny and Dustin finally make amends when Kenny expresses admiration of Dustin, for being “a normal, not famous, boring-ass family man.” Whether he deserves it or not, Dustin explains to Kenny that family is always supposed to be there to support its members. Kenny and Dustin are now brothers again.
At sunrise, Kenny Powers is packed for an expedition, complete with snow pick axe, goggles, heavy pack, and deep winter coat. He's off to find Dakota in the woods. While he's gone, the Powers family wakes up to Little Helper waiting under their Christmas tree. At the Janowski residence, just as Stevie started to explain what gifts he would have bought the kids, the doorbell rings, revealing a pile of presents, the dancing robot, and a copy of the Kenny Powers Saga screenplay for Stevie to read.
Back in the forest, Kenny tracks Dakota's trail, and re-captures him after a staring contest of alpha-ness. As Kenny Powers looks on from a distance, his children find Dakota chained up to the front lawn with a big red gift bow around his neck. Kenny Powers resumed his path to redemption, and Kenny Claus delivered the presents to save Christmas.
Stevie's Best Moment(s)
First off, kudos to Stevie for finally standing up for himself, and calling Kenny Powers out for all the bullsh*t he routinely puts him through.
Obviously Stevie’s best moment was shooting that ridiculous surgically enhanced (Bruce Campbell in “Army of Darkness” or Kyle McLaughlin in “Dune”) chin * off his face. By the way, this is the second time Stevie Janowski has taken a bullet with Kenny Powers in the vicinity.
* Thanks to @RussFro for pointing out these chin possibilities.