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Season 4: Eastbound & Down Chapter 29 (Series Finale)

Kenny Powers Quotes

Kenny Powers Quotes

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You know, April — when I told you that I was unhappy with you and the kids, that wasn’t true. I was never unhappy with you guys — I was unhappy with myself. I just wanted to be a success. It turns out I was a success the whole entire time. As a father, a husband — and a pretty goddamn good one at that. I just thought you should know...

These are the most memorable Kenny Powers quotes from this episode, and also include the transcript to his apology on Powers Hour, and closing narration from the re-written “The Kenny Powers Saga” screenplay.

Order in the court! I object to this divorce! Lawyers — you’ve done a magnificent job of helping me buttf*ck my wife in this settlement, but your services are no longer needed. Effective immediately, you’re all fired.

You injure your f*ckin’ jaw and suddenly you’re Roger Ebert...

I don’t think I can help you get AIDS back, Guy. But I can offer you a chance at redemption...

No, I wasn’t bleeding from my shins, nor did I have my own urine in Gatorade bottles. So I think you’re worse than I was doing...

My son is the main star of the play — his part is more important than all the other children...

Many moons ago the white man stole their land, so they’re instantly gonna have a hatred for you. I want you to keep Dakota by your side, and never show ’em an ounce of fear — one day, you can gain their respect...

Southwest Airlines has a hub in Albuquerque. There’s no first class on the airline obviously, but — they do have that Business Select option. You get the coupons for the premium drinks, and the priority access to be first on the plane — even offer Double Rapid Reward points for your miles there. Hopefully I’ll stack up a bunch of those, all the times I’ll come out there and visit. I’m gonna miss you guys...

Stevie and I’ve been cooking up a few things. Now that I’m done with the television industry — it might be high time to finally step into the feature film world. At least with movies, it’s not all about the money...

Powers Hour Transcript

Powers Hour Transcript

Hello, and how are you, America? Welcome to Powers Hour. I am your host Kenneth Powers, and I am here today to give you straight talk. Powers Hour will be unlike any other show on daytime talk. Because we’re gonna give it to ya’ real, and we’re gonna give it to ya’ hard. That’s right, you’ll be gettin’ it real hard...

But that’s not what I want. And I say f*ck what these people want. I made alot of mistakes on my return to super stardom. I screwed alotta pooches — I f*cked alotta folks. I labored for far too long for lesser men. I used my God given abilities to destroy men’s lives. I betrayed good people. I ruthlessly stepped upon the weak — and the strong, I turned ’em into my slaves. Even the fiercest of warriors was nothing to me — powerless...

I was absolutely terrible to everybody in my f*ckin’ life including everyone I worked with, everyone I lived with, my friends, my family — I was horrendous...

And why did I do these f*cking things, you ask? Well it’s simple, really. I thought that fame, fortune, and success was the only way I would ever be happy. And I paid a steep price for this train of thinking. I’ve lost the only woman I’ve ever loved — and the only woman who ever loved me...

So from this moment forward, the vicious dragon that was Kenny Powers will retreat back to his cave. Back to hibernation. Until the next foolish night awakens his wrath...

The Kenny Powers Saga Screenplay: The Re-Written Ending

Kenny Powers Screenplay

If you ask me, the secret to success is to have a diverse portfolio. Too much of any one thing is f*ckin’ no bueno. Of course sometimes balancing can be hard, but all things worth havin’, are worth fighting for. Sometimes hard work pays off...

But if a man doesn’t have a dream, well guess what? His soul begins to die. So after you’ve accomplished your dreams, the best thing to do is to come up with new dreams. That way, as the years roll on, as they will do, you’ll always look to the future with hope...

But of course the future is sure to hold it’s fair share of miseries. All kinds of sh*tty sorrows. I find solace in the fact that from each sorrow, comes a little bit of knowledge. And with knowledge comes wisdom...

If you’re lucky, you get a second act in life. But sooner or later, death will come — unannounced, Old Man Reaper comes to reclaim your soul. All you can hope for is the people you loved will cherish the time they spent with you...

In the end, you judge a man by how he influenced the world. You judge him by the seeds he left behind. And you judge his seeds by the harvest. Well, Kenny Powers harvest remains unknown. But I’m pretty goddamn proud of my seeds...

The end. Cut to black. Audience goes f*cking apesh*t...

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Kenny Powers and Eastbound & Down are TM & © 2017 HBO. We are not affiliated with HBO, who we hope don't sue us - we just love this show, so hopefully that counts for something...
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