Season 2: Eastbound & Down Chapter 9
Kenny Powers Lines
Don’t get all excited, dude. 3D is gay. Nobody wants to sit on a couch wearing glasses poppin’ bubbles out of the air like some sort of f*cked up Ray Charles...
These are the most memorable Kenny Powers quotes from this episode, and also include readings from the new, yet to be released audiobook being recorded in Mexico.
Gross! You’re crop dusting my whole entire bedroom with your pubes right now. [oh, sorry Kenny] Don’t be sorry, dude. Just cover up that marblesack...
Is that my thong? [All my stuff got blood on it] Oh, dude no way! You do not go in my drawers and take out a pair of my chones. That is a big no-no!!!
Maybe you should get a flat-screen TV. Don’t skimp and get the Vizio. Get what you deserve. Get the Sony...
Oh, you like 3D??? Well, here’s a burrito - comin’ right ’atcha!!!
You’re the one dropping all this sh*t in my lap, and I gotta play Mister f*cking Belvedere and clean it up...
Well it’s not in America. In America people f*cking hate soccer, and honestly, that’s the way it should be...
There’s gonna be an ass-ton of crabs, lobsters, wine, Bartles & Jaymes, corn on the cob, f*ckin booger sugar...
If I had to choose, I mean historically, I’ve always considered myself to be a tit man...
It’s no mystery that ass has always been tits’ greatest enemy... It’s almost like a Muslim-Jewish thing, but with tits and ass.
You should have seen the size of her ass. It was f*cking incredible. It was like a goddamn hot air balloon right in front of me. I went (bbbbllllllppp) all over the thing as soon as I saw it...
It’s like goddamn cocktober fest in here. I’m excited too, but let’s not touch dicks, alright. Ugghhh...
I’m wearing all black. Outlaws wear black. Fags and cocaine dealers wear white...
No reason to f*cking bicker. At one point, both of y’all were my bitches, so it’s fine. You can bond on that, you don’t have to be at each other’s throats...
Yeah, maybe I’ll find the Ewok village you came from...
Nice pants, where’d you get ’em at Gap Baby? Don’t fall in the river. Somebody will mistake you for a floating turd...
It was my fault, dude. I should have never trusted a man that size...
Do you know what Montezuma’s Revenge is Tony? I hear that’s when a white man sh*ts his pants in Mexico...
A new ship has come into port. A pirate ship, carrying some incredible booty...
Readings From the Kenny Powers Audiobook
Finally all the pieces are falling together . . . All the answers I’ve been searching for are on the verge of totally being answered. I put in the goddamn man hours, the f*cking muscles, the sweats, the tears... Now it’s my turn...
I got this country wet, and now its time to bend this bitch over and make her cum...
